the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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