I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
