After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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