If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
