All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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