we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A bitchslap is in order.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
