I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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