Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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