Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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