My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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