in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
