Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize