Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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