margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
