He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My feet surprised me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
