Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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