butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
