I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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