You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
