Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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