I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
