You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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