just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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