non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
