I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im six kinds of drunk right now
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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