His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
