I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize