He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
