i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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