Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
