She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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