I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
