i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
