I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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