its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
