new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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