dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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