he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
