Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
