6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
