Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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