I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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