I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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