There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
