I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
