Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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