3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
