using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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