Me too!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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