i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
