Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
