windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
