he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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