meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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