i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
