Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
