He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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