I just made out with a guy for $7.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
