Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
