Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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