trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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