life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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