good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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