He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
