On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize