also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
