You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
